analogies

Some time ago, a student gave me a list of the most beautiful metaphors and analogies, supposedly printed from an article by Norm Rozinsk's of Northbay Biz Magazine. I can track down neither Mr. Rozinski's credentials nor the original article, so this may, in fact, be purely manufactured. That said, genuine or otherwise, these analogies, allegedly drawn by high school students in their essays, brought tears of mirth to my eyes. Here are some of my favorites:

1. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

2. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

3. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

4. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

5. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

6. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

7. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.


And my all-time favorite:
8. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds that had also never met.