I read a lot of blogs. One of them is by a woman I've never met named Andrea. I stumbled onto her blog by chance a few years ago, having been searching for a certain Anne Lamott quotation and having been too lazy to find my book.
Anyway, Andrea is doing this year-end roundup ritual she calls Mondo Beyondo, asking people to respond to the following prompts. I did so and found the process empowering. I'm sharing it here, even though I worry that it might be too personal for this medium. Be that as it may, you might find this helpful, too. What about you? How would you answer? (You can comment anonymously if you want.)
This year I gave myself to students. I graded hundreds of papers and encouraged dozens of budding writers. Almost single-handedly, I started a school newspaper for said writers. I resisted the impulse to cut and run when things got tough. I wrote dangerous words and read them aloud. I drew and got a beautiful tattoo. I began a yoga practice. I taught in China. I fell for someone. When he broke my heart, I told him I forgave him (even though it wasn’t true yet), and walked away with my head high. I forgave him.
2. What is there to grieve about 2007? (What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)
I forgive myself for letting a friendship implode, for not seeing it sooner or being able to change myself enough to fix things. I forgive myself for letting the Gilmore Girls ooze into all the empty spaces that three-dimensional friends should fill. I forgive myself for letting my garden die.
I grieve that I am alone and that so many people’s lives seem to move on without me, and I forgive myself for feeling guilty about that.
3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?
2007, you have made such little sense to me. You’ve broken hard and fast across my back and I don’t appreciate the bruises. I’m still here, though, and I declare you complete.
Here’s to 2008, a year of moving outward.
3 comments:
Marvellous blog. Very intelligent. I am also in Education. Music (not English) Yet, if you view www.catyourway.com you may want to read my e-book in which case I would be grateful if you make a comment (doesn't have to be praise...) Have a brilliant New Year 2008!
Erinn...
Bold post for sure. In my year in review business I was thinking about doing something like this... but alas I am chicken (I guess you'll just have to wait for MY e-book to come out).
I am glad to see 2007 gone. I'm glad to still be here too (I think).
Thanks for writing Erinn. What you share here is inspirational. You're the kind of teacher that they make movies about.
(Erinn, I'm not certain you'll remember me, but I was at Huntington for a few years. I found your blog through someone else a long while back. Always enjoy what you've got to share.)
1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
I worked myself into one of my dream jobs. Through honest hard work and dedication, sacrifice, I earned a promotion, I earned a job that delights and fulfills a large part of me. It worked out the way things are supposed to work out, but rarely do. I shocked myself at what I was capable of, given the right circumstances and perspective. This was the year of discovery and awakening. It may have been my best year yet.
2. What is there to grieve about 2007?
I've always been bad at some very important things, namely maintaining relationships - or at least keeping them alive. People and memories fade as a result, and that is far more than unfortunate. Relationships are so vital, so essential.
3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?
2007, you were great, borderline wonderful. But I won't look to repeat you. Greater things are to come. You've brought about changes that can only lead to more discovery, more awakening. I won't mourn your passing - I will embrace your discoveries.
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